Taking all these factors into account, let’s look at how another man more successfully handles a situation similar to William’s.
Jeff, 44, works for the state government in a middle-management position. He has a certain number of hassles to deal with every day on the job. He runs his department with efficiency, but budget cutbacks have left him short-staffed, and everyone is feeling crunched by the amount of work they must do.
Recently promoted, Jeff has to listen to his staffs complaints about the poor working conditions, and he finds this one of the most difficult parts of his job. His work day starts early but he usually tries to leave by five o’clock. Once a week he plays soccer with a neighborhood team, and at least twice a week he and a co-worker shed their business suits and jog out of the office during lunchtime.
Jeff has been married to Sara for 15 years. They have two children, Susie, 4, and Jeff, Jr., 10. Recent months have been filled with stressful events: the death of Sara’s father; the serious illness of another grandparent; Jeffs recent promotion, which hasn’t worked out as well as they had hoped; and tight finances, partly because Sara’s employer reduced her hours at work.
Jeff has never had any erection problems until recently. One Friday night, he found himself unable to become erect, despite the fact he was very aroused. But he didn’t panic. “I knew it was the beer I’d been drinking,” he says, smiling as he recalls the incident.
Because he knew the cause of his difficulty, Jeff did not experience performance anxiety. And he didn’t feel threatened as a man, but just took it in stride. His self-awareness was crucial in his response to the situation.
Jeff told his wife he thought the culprit was the six-pack and she agreed. Sara didn’t attribute any deep meaning to the problem, probably because she felt secure in her relationship with her husband.
And Jeff didn’t withdraw from his wife. Instead, he cuddled with her for a while, before they each drifted off to sleep.
Left’s suppose that a week later, the same problem recurs, but this time, alcohol isn’t in the picture. Jeffs response to the problem is crucial. He doesn’t immediately assume the worst. In his mind, he goes over recent changes in his life. He did just start taking a prescription drug. Feeling that ifs something of a long shot, he calls his physician. After consulting a reference book, the doctor somewhat apologetically confirms that impotence can be a side effect of the medication. Reducing the dosage solves the problem.
Even without such a simple explanation, Jeffs attitude remains a crucial element in how successful he is in solving his problem. In general, Jeff has a positive attitude towards sex, despite “zero” formal sex education. “I never took a class in high school or college where the physiology of erection was explained or even discussed.” Now, having read a lot on his own, he feels more knowledgeable.
Jeffs attitude towards lovemaking and his marriage is positive. “I have a certain philosophy about making love,” says this soft-spoken man. “When you don’t make love, you’ve lost the time, and it can’t ever be regained. So it’s nice to enjoy it often.” Unlike William, who takes his stresses and pressures to bed with him, Jeff is careful to leave the rest of the world behind when he wants to make love. “I shut off the office when I close the bedroom door,” he says. That’s such good advice, we might all do well to use it as a motto.
Jeffs and William’s stories are good examples of sexual success and failure. The moral of both is that the way to sexual success is to understand the factors behind erection problems and to deal with them in a logical, constructive way.
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