Here are some pointers on how you can help your situation:
• Be warm, friendly and physical towards your lover. Let him know you want to hug, kiss and cuddle him—but that you don’t expect intercourse now.
• Tell him that you want him to hold you, that you need him. Communicate directly, but gently. You might say, for example, “I want to be close to you. Please touch me. I don’t need you to use your penis, I just want us to lie here together and be close.”
• Do not tell your lover that intercourse doesn’t matter. If he believes you, he may question just how much you liked intercourse before. And if he doesn’t believe you, he’ll say to himself, “She thinks I’m so fragile that she can’t tell me the truth anymore,”
• Sometimes a couple unconsciously gets into arguments so they’ll be angry and won’t want to have sex. Try to avoid this self-defeating trap, and if you think your partner is falling into it, point it out.
• Don’t assign blame for the problem. Don’t say, “Ifs your problem, you fix it.” Remember, the problem affects both of you. And the solution needs to come from both of you, too.
Oversympathetic Response
Women whose husbands suffer potency problems may develop sexual problems themselves. Of 151 such women, more than 60 percent reported sexual problems in a study done at Loyola University’s Sex Clinic. Only 8 percent of these women reported that their sexual problem developed before their husband’s. The author, Domeena C. Renshaw, M.D., notes that most of the men had an erection problem for anywhere from two years to as much as a decade before they went for help. Early treatment of an erection difficulty may prevent many women from developing sexual problems of their own.
Most of the women did not blame their husbands for the sexual problems. They were, says Dr. Renshaw, “supportive, sensitive and concerned.”
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