This used to be called frigidity – an ambiguous, unkind and judgmental word that is fortunately going out of use. To label a woman ‘frigid’ was an insult: I’ve never heard the term used about men.
Lack of libido is a couple problem, which arises when either the woman or the man has less desire for sex than the other partner. Differences in libido create tensions that often affect other aspects оf the relationship, no matter how much you
love each other. This is especially likely if sex has previously been an important pal of expressing love and a source of pleasure for both.
The more libidinous partner may fee less loved, less attractive, sexually frustrated, rejected and angry. The less libidinous partner may feel inadequate or ‘abnormal’. Women often say ‘I don’t know what’s the matter with me: I’ve lost interest in sex’. If a woman submits to sex against her wishes (and only women can do this in heterosexual couples), she may feel used, violated, resentful and angry.
Don’t forget that some medications can reduce sexual response. If you lose interest in sex after starting a course of drugs, ask your doctor whether the medicine could be the culprit.
If lack of libido is causing problems in your relationship, you can almost certainly do something to improve matters. You may need medical treatment to correct sources of pain; sexual counselling to change negative attitudes; changes in lifestyle to reduce stress and fatigue; couple
counselling. If there’s been a total breakdown in your relationship, separating from your partner may be the only answer.
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